I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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