He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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