We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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