Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
