I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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