Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
