I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
