I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Dignity is for republicans.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
