White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
