oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I got inside last night via doggy door
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
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