I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
