I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
