im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
