we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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