paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i think my cat just said my name.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
