wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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