He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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