I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
