is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
