i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
