with your own penis?
I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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