I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
