plz talk dirty to me
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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