It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
