Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
