just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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