I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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