do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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