I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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