Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
