New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
