You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
