Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
