I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
