I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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