when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
