i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
