Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
