420 ftw
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
