Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
