Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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