wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
