apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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