so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
