i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
