Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
