Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
