don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
