i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I look better un-naked...
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
