I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
So much Jack, so little girl.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
