dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Randomize
