This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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