she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
