My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
