I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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