A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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