i think my tv is drunk
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
