I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
